Crazy Horoscopes
by Silky Cat Dragon
Summary: The horoscopes in the local paper have started coming true! But who's writing them...why? And what are Yugi and his friends going to do about it? Some yaoi, possible OOC and maybe a bit of insanity in there somewhere. R&R!


**Disclaimer:** _I don't own any of the characters or shows I write fanfics about, this includes the copy rights to "Yu-Gi-Oh!"._

What I do own, are my ideas, "Yu-Gi-Oh!" duel monster cards, graphic novels/comic books, vhs/dvd movies, cd's, and action figures of Yami-Yugi, Marik, and a model of The Winged Dragon of Ra that cost me about $15.00 at K-Mart. Anything else, please read my profile.

Heh, I know the "Yugioh!" crew issupposed to be in Domino Japan, but this is fictional. So for fun I put them in California, which is in America. Besides, in the "Orichalcous Doom" arc (aka "Waking the Dragons"), they were in San Fransisco, California, USA.**

* * *

**  
It was morning in the city of Domino.

Yugi Mutou blinked his eyes, sat up, stretched, itched, and rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. He flipped the switch, opened the medicine cabinet, and pulled out his toothbrush and toothpaste. Yugi put the toothpaste on the brush, ran it under the warm water for a minute so it wouldn't be to clumpy, then started brushing his teeth.

He loved the taste of mint in his mouth. If he could, he'd eat the toothpaste. But Yami-Yugi, the spirit of a 5,000 year old Egyptian Pharaoh that lived in Yugi's Millennium Puzzle, an Egyptian artifact given to him by his grandpa, Solomon Mutou, would never let him.

To bad though, 'cause the toothpaste tasted really good. At least compared to icky mouth goo that had a habit of building up over night. Yugi finished brushing his teeth, went potty, washed & dried his hands, brushed his spikey, tri-colored hair, and went out to the kitchen to find some breakfast.

When he got there, he saw Yami wearing a white apron with lace running down the side, leaning over the stove, flipping pancakes. Which were also known as Egyptian Bread.

"Morning Yami." Said Yugi, taking a seat at the round kitchen table.

"Morning Yugi. Did you sleep o.k.?" Yami asked, flipping another pancake.

'He sure is good at that.' Yugi thought, watching Yami cook. 'Of course, he's good at pretty much everything. Except dancing.'

"Yes, Yami," Yugi smiled at his taller twin. "I sleep good."

"How many do you want Yugi?" Yami asked, as he used a silver handled spatula to flip a pancake onto a plate.

"Three would be fine." Yugi replied, rubbing his still sleepy violet eyes.

"Then three it is." Said Yami. He flipped three pancakes onto a plate, dabbed them with some butter, poured almost a half bottle of maple syrup onto them, then slid the plate over to Yugi on a thermal of air.

"Thanks Yami," said Yugi, fastening a napkin under his chin, "but you forgot a fork."

"Oh, sorry about that." Yami concentrated, the Puzzle glowed, and within seconds, a fork appeared on Yugi's plate.

"Thanks Yami." Said Yugi, digging in hungrily.

Yami looked at the cat clock that hung on the east wall of the kitchen.

"I'll be right back Yugi. It's time for Joey to be delivering the morning paper." Yami said, tossing his apron on the back of a chair and turning towards the stairs.

"Oh," said Yugi, swallowing a bite of pancake, "so we get the paper from Joey now?"

"Uh-huh. I know he could use the extra cash, so I subscribed to help him out."

"Oh," said Yugi, his eyes big and watery looking, "that's so nice of you Yami."

"Yeah," Yami smiled, "I know."

Yami went down stairs into the Kame Game Shop, which was owned by Yugi's grandpa, and went out to the sidewalk to see if Joey had delivered the morning paper yet. T

here was nothing on the ground, so Yami checked the mailbox. After all, that was were most people put the mail. But there was nothing in the green, tractor shaped boxed either.

'Maybe he forgot…' Yami though, and he headed back towards the store. Suddenly, there came a noise from behind him.

"Comin' through! Watch out! Hey! Get out of my way, stupid dog!" Yami heard a familiar voice say.

He turned around and...

There was his brown eyed, blonde haired, teenage friend riding up the sidewalk on a red two wheeler, and kicking his foot at a shaggy, brown pooch.

"Git outta here ya crazy dog!" Joey shouted. "You're gonna make me-whoa, whoaaa--" But it was too late. The blonde had lost his balance and had started to skid sideways.

"Ohhh, noooo!" he yelled, realizing he was he headed straight for a lamp-post.

"Joey, look out!" Yami yelled, running towards his friend. "Ahhhh!" screamed Joey, as he fell sideways.

"Stupidddd doooog!"

"Puzzle, help him out!" Yami exclaimed quickly. The Puzzle glowed, and a golden circle wrapped itself around Joey, helping him to land without injury on the cement.

"Joey! Are you alright?" Yami asked, concerned, rushing over to his friend and kneeling down beside him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm o.k. No thanks to dog-dog here." Joey sneered at it, making a face.

The dog lowered it's ears, hung it's fuzzy brown tail between it's legs, and whimpering, spread itself over Joey's legs.

"I think it's trying to say it's sorry." Yami said to Joey.

"Yeah, sure." Said Joey, who was now very annoyed. "Listen, could you get this mutt off of me?"

Yami picked up the little puppy. It was wearing a purple collar with a golden name tag attached to it.

"Puddles?" Yami asked. He checked the name-tag again, just to sure he read it right. Indeed, the name on the tag read, _"Puddles"_ .

"Why would anyone name their dog--" Yami began, but stopped once he felt something warm trickling down his left leg, his face suddenly twisted in horror.

"I think," said Joey, smirking, "you just got your answer."

The ex-Pharaoh, however, was _not_ amused.

He narrowed his eyes and spoke in a very low, agitated voice.

"It _peed_ on me." He said, glaring at Joey as if it were his fault.

"Well, don't look at me." Said Joey, standing up and dusting himself off. "It isn't my mutt."

Yami sent the dog to the Shadow Realm to deal with later. True there were actual monsters there, but they wouldn't hurt the brown-eyed pooch. They were actually quite friendly, once you got to know them.

"Well, that takes care of that." Said Yami, using the Puzzle to clean the yellow stain off his tight, shiny, black pants.

"Is he gonna be o.k. in there?" Joey asked, picking up his 10-speed. Luckily, none of the newspapers had fallen out of the yellow tote bags that were tied around the handlebars and got blown down the sidewalk.

"Yes." Yami answered, folding his arms in an annoyed sort of way. "In fact, he's probably safer in there than he is out here with me."

Joey knew what that meant. It meant that the ex-Pharaoh didn't appreciate being peed on by some dog. Of course, why would he? Why would anybody? No reason that Joey could think of. Shrugging, he handed Yami a newspaper.

"Today's your lucky day, Yami." Joey told him, putting down the kick stand on his bike. "They've got a new colum in there, it's called 'horoscopes'."

Yami looked at his blond haired friend quizically.

"Horoscopes?" he asked Joey. "I've never heard of them. At least I don't think I have. What are they?"

'Never heard of horoscopes?' Joey wondered. Then he remembered. 'Oh, yeah, Yami's been trapped in that Millennium Puzzle of Yugi's for a couple thousand years. Not to mention, he's from Ancient Egypt and this is modern day America. So there are probably a lot of things that he's unfamiliar with, and horoscopes must be one of them.'

"Well," said Joey, checking the spokes on his bike, "they're predictions for people born under certain signs."

"Like under a stop sign?" Yami asked, half kidding.

"Ha, ha," said Joey, making a face. "No, a zodiac sign."

Yami looked at Joey strangely.

"What's a zodiac?"

Sighing, Joey said, "Yami, come with me."

_"Yugi,"_ Yami called to him through their link, "_I'm going somewhere with Joey. I'll be back soon." _

"Okay, Yami." Yugi answered him. _"Have fun, I'll see you later."_

A few moments later, Yami and Joey arrived at the Domino Library. Joey took him to the section about space and astrology.

"These are books about the zodiac," Joey told the ex-Pharaoh, handing him a blue and gold covered book, "the twelve signs of the year."

Yami took it over to a nearby table, sat down, and opened it.

There were twelve circles, each with a different picture in it, and they were arranged like a clock. In the center of the 'clock', was a picture of a sun. It was smiling. Underneath it, itread : _Introduction_.

Yami began to read while Joey picked out two other books to look at.

'_The sun is the center of our solar system…'_ Yami's book read, '…_and the planets, including the Earth, orbit around it. The Earth makes two important cycles as it...' _

'Blah, blah, blah.' Thought Yami, turning a couple of pages until he came tothe sectionthat read: _The 336 Birthdays of the Year._

'Hmm.' he thought, skimmed through it. 'These sound interesting.'

Then he saw a page that said, "_June 4th."_

'Hey!'Yami realized, his eyes big. 'That's Yugi's birthday!'

'_"Fixed Star"__  
Star's name: Rigel  
Degree position: 15 degrees 50 - 16 degress 40. Gemini between the years 1930 and 2000.  
Constellation: Beta Orionis  
Star qualities: varied influences: Mars/Jupiter or Saturn/Jupiter.  
Description: A brilliant blue-white double star located on the left foot of Orion. _

"Primary Star's Influence"  
Rigel confers the ability to rise quickly in life, imparts strong willpower and an ambitious nature, and stimulates the mind to acquire wider general knowledge. Love of action and lucky breaks often stimulate you to be competitive. The ability to develop a scientific mind and even be inventive is linked to this star. Rigel can bestow honor, material riches, and lasting success…' Yami read.

"Hmmm," Yami said, thumbing through the _The 336 Birthdays of the Year _section, "I wonder if Kaiba's birthday is in here."

And sure enough, it was.

_October 25,  
Sun: Scorpio  
Decanate: Scorpio/Pluto  
Mode: Fixed  
Element: Water. _

"Mode: Fixed," Yami said to himself, "that explains why Kaiba's so stubborn and wishy-washy." Chuckling quietly to himself, he continued reading.

Under "Fixed Star" it read: _Although your Sun's degree is not linked to a fixed star, some of your other planets' degrees certainly will be. By having an astrological chart calculated, you can find the exact position of the planets on your date of birth. This will tell you which of the fixed starts listed in the book are relevant to you._

"Somehow," Yami said, smiling to himself, "I doubt Kaiba would waste his time calculating the positions of the planets just to find out what fixed stars he's linked to."

Yami chuckled quietly again, returned the book to its shelf, and walked over to Joey, who was ogglingthe center fold model in a magazine hehad found called "Play Girl".

"What are you reading?"

"Yiyiii!" Joey yelped, startled. He had been so busy oggling the scantinly clathed model in the magazine, that he had forgotten about Yami being there.

"Oh, uh, uhm, ahhh," Joey stammered, blushing slightly, hoping that Yami hadn't seen what he had been looking at.

Yami eyed him suspiciously.

"Wh-what?" Joey asked nervously, sweat dripping down his forhead as Yami continued to stare at him. "I-it's legal. Uh, uhm, otherwise it... wouldn't be... uh, ahem... a-allowed in the uh, library. Yeah."

Joey quickly tucked the magazine behind some books on a nearby shelf.

"Ready to go?" he grinned, eager to get as far away from the magazine before Yami could figure out what it was.

"I suppose." Yami said, giving him a knowing grin. "If you are."

"Are you sure?"

"Uhm, yeah. Why do you ask?"

Yamis' grin grew bigger as he pointed at Joeys' pants.

'Tell me I didn't!' Joey gulped, looking down at himself.

"Maybe you'd like to go to the bathroom first?" Yami asked, about to bust a gut.

Joey's face flushed as he raced to the bathroom.

Unable to hold it in any longer, Yami raced out of the library, holding his sides from laughter.

* * *

Okay. How was that? I log into this site 1-3 times in a 7 day week. So if you spot any mistakes, **_kindly_** point them out to me (in a "Pm") and I'll fix them a.s.a.p. Thanks! 

Please review.


End file.
